you'd probably think a drunk wrote this but nah it me
by saveusy2jay
Summary: it's nearly 2am don't take this seriously ok


"Okay Riley, repeat after me. I, Riley Pierce, take thee, Phil Lester, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

Hearing her repeat the priest's words in front of everyone made the entire experience feel so much different than it did, initially. Of course I knew we were getting married, I got on one knee and asked the love of my life to spend the rest of her days with me, and she accepted.

Those words, though… they made me feel like I was being lifted high up into the sky where nothing could have ever gone wrong.

"Now Phil," began the priest. This is really happening. "Repeat after me. I, Phil Lester, take thee, Riley Pierce, to be my lawfully wedded wife."

"I, Phil Lester, take thee, Dan Howell, to be my lawfully wedded hu-" and in that moment, I had never hated myself more. I re-focused my eyes on Riley's face only to finally see that her face was so full of pain and even more of shock.

"Riley, I meant Riley!" Before being able to erase the looks of disgust on the audience's faces, Riley grabbed the bottom half of her dress and jolted off the altar. "Riley, wait!"

I started running when, not even a full three seconds into the run, Riley's brother came onto the aisle blocking my way, putting a hand to my chest, looking me dead in the eyes, and saying, "Don't. It's not going to happen. Now back off, idiot."

I could feel a pout forming on my face, despite the effort I put into controlling my facial expressions. There was no point in running after her now… She needed her space. Her family probably wouldn't have let me see her anyways. I turned back around to see the worst reaction of all; my best man still standing where he was when I said his name in front of everyone, looking confused, but mostly furious.

"What in the bloody hell were you thinking?!" Dan's voice went up into that high pitched, confused voice he get's in situations like these… not that there's ever really been a situation like this before.

"I don't know! I wasn't thinking, okay?" He never took me seriously, and this wasn't going to help. "My head was so high up I the clouds that I couldn't focus on what was happening down there."

"God, Phil, you had one job to do. There wasn't even any thinking involved in the process!" His arms now flailing. "Honestly, Phil, what was even going through your mind? How could you have said something so stupid? So out of the blue?! Dan Howell?! DAN HOWELL?!" Dan really was on fire… "And for the love of God, wipe that look off your face and pay attention for once. This was what got us here in the first place! What's next? Are you going to start playing Blood On The Dance Floor in the apartment now because your head's just 'so high up in the clouds?!'"

"Enough! Dan, stop! I thought of all people that were there, you would be the one to show just a little bit of sympathy towards your best friend."

"Oh, yeah, because THAT WASN'T MY NAME YOU SAID ON THE BLOODY ALTAR! PHIL, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?" You'd think his skin was absolutely transparent, considering how red his face had gotten.

"Goodness, I'm sorry!"

"OH YEAH BECAUSE THAT'S DEFINITLEY GOING TO FIX THIS."

Could it be that he still hasn't realized that people don't make this mistake very often? My eyes followed his body as he started pacing back and forth across the room. "I swear, Phil, you never listen, I told you that it was too soon, and that you weren't ready for this. It was a rushed marriage anyways." He was talking so fast it started getting annoying.

"Dan. Dan. Stop. Just stop talking for a minute, okay? Have you even stopped to think for a minute about what just happened?"

"OH COME ON BECAUSE _I_ WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO STOP AND THINK ABOUT THIS. MY GOD PHIL, YOU REALLY ARE CLUELESS AREN'T YOU. I GUESS I WAS W-"

"For the love of God Dan will you please, just shut up?" This seemed to catch him off guard. He sat down on the edge of his bed and I got up and joined him. I took his hand and placed it on my lap, still cradled between my two palms. He pulled it away looking baffled.

"Damn it, Dan," I sighed, taking his hand back in mine, this time with a tighter grip. "You do realize that that wasn't just a mistake people make everyday, right?" I could sense the incoming sarcastic replies just from the gaze he gave me, so I cupped my free hand over his mouth. "Dan, all I'm asking you to do is think, okay?"

His eyes started to wander… until they suddenly widened and I let his mouth free, "So?" I asked.

"Phil, please don't tell me…"

It's now or never, I guess. I got down on one knee, "Dan, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

"Bloody hell, Phil. No, now get out of my room, weirdo. You're freaking me out." He playfully shoved me away and I rolled out of his room like a little tumbleweed.

I probably hit my head on something on the way out bc I woke up on the floor and this was all just a weird dream ok plot twist yay I'm not getting married good night.


End file.
